I'M MOVING TO A SMALL TOWN

Haw! A reader...probably someone who speaks English as a second language... told me he couldn't understand why I would want to move to a small town. What's so great about sleeping in tiny buildings? "Huh? Tiny buildings???" I had no idea what he was talking about. 

It took a whole minute before I realized that he took the term "small town" literally...as in "miniature." He must have thought I was going to take up residence in a doll's house.

Well, I set him straight and he was much relieved.

I'll have to watch out for misunderstandings like that when I move out of state. For example, where I'm going the local desert of choice is molasses pie.

It sounds gross, but people who live there love the stuff, and they don't like it when outsiders make fun of it. A relative there warned me not to make jokes about it, but I don't know if I can help myself. (Groan!) I hate to think of the consequences if I do.

"Yeah, molasses pie. What's wrong with that?"

"I heard about him. He's the guy from El-Lay! He's too good for what we eat."

"What's the matter? You don't like pie?"

"Uh, well, yes...I, um, I do like pie. I just...well, er..."

"I do believe I'll step outside for a moment."

OUTSIDE: small towns often don't have leash laws.  

'"What the heck? Hey, beat it Pee Wee!"

(Sigh!)

WHAT MOVING WILL BE LIKE

Soon I'll be leaving my nice little home in L.A. Gee, I'll miss it. 

I'll say goodbye to my neighbors....

...and my friends... 

....and my mistress. She's a good egg. She'll land on her feet. When we get where we're going, I'll send her some bon bons and movie magazines.

That's (above) my wife. "Let's go, Honey!"

We'll have a lot of driving to do. This is a big country!

Maybe we'll get a little tourism in along the way. 

Wow! We'll cross the Western frontier! If only the mountains and dried grass could tell stories.

The tales they would tell!

Eventually there'll come a point when we find our new town...

 

...then another where we find our new street...

...then still another, where we find our new house.

  

"Just put the baggage anywhere, Honey!"

My wife will no doubt make a project of fixing up the house. I'll put in a lot of work in, too. I'm scared to death that if she does all the decoration we'll end up with a girly house.

Sheeesh! Can you imagine living in something like that (above)? 

My wife still wants pets. She read a kids book we had around the house and now she entertains the possibility that cats can be cool and urbane. 

Cool and urbane??? A CAT? Even the fluffy ones are crazy and homicidal.  Even one cat (above) can be a pill to take care of...

...and nowadays nobody ever gets just one. 

TO BE CONTINUED.......

HALLOWEEN: THE NEXT DAY

Well, Halloween's over! It was great, wasn't it?

I didn't have time to go for an art-directed porch this year, so I went for the kind favored by rural farmers and Ray Bradbury-type kids living in small towns (above). How do you like it? No, I didn't make the dummy shown in the photo, but mine was pretty close. I was proud of it.

Gee, this'll be my last Halloween in Los Angeles. I'll be moving soon and my next Halloween will be spent in a town something like the one above.

Spooky little Charles Burchfield towns like that (above) were tailor-made for Halloween.

In such a town it's easy to imagine a witch landing on a roof, reaching into a window, grabbing a child, and flying away with her.

 What would happen to such a kid? Who knows? The forest would simply "absorb" her.

She'd merge with the Fall leaves.

She'd melt under the sleet and freezing rain.

It's no wonder that people make up stories about places like this. Maybe I'll try my hand at it myself.

SALEM WITCHCRAFT: THE PURITANS' POINT OF VIEW

For centuries Europe had been the scene of increasingly senseless slaughter. Wars of succession, religion, territory and trade proliferated. No excuse for discord was too small.

Then there was the Black Plague, a disease whose origin remains controversial, even today. 

The men who presided over Europe in those days were enigmatic. Their portraits were often downright creepy. 

Who were these people and why did they do nothing to stop the violence? Often they seemed to promote it. 

Europe was devastated. Almost everywhere evil triumphed. 

With their backs against the wall, the dwindling number of survivors devised a risky plan of escape. They'd take ships to the New World. 

Little did they know that they'd taken part of the Old World with them.

What occurred on some of those ships hasn't been recorded.

We can surmise that some of them ended up in Central and South America. We see a resurgence of cannibalism there and what appears to be pointless tribal warfare in this period. 

 Giant predatory animals and birds also appeared on that continent in this era.

Who made these things and why?

Up in North America the colonists were surprised to find themselves battling an outbreak of witchcraft, something they thought they'd left behind. At first they seemed to have it under control....

...but the "Others" (that's what they called themselves) launched a vigorous counterattack and the trials were ended. 

After that, the Others and their successors spread throughout the new country. How many were there? Nobody knows. Maybe we can get a rough idea by examining old 19th Century photos. How many of the subjects of those pictures appear to you to be different, to be...Other?

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BTW: Haw! The facts of this story are completely made up...total fiction...but they make a good story, don't they?

Gee, this Halloween I'll be too busy with moving to celebrate. I do want to give out candy at the door, though. Maybe I can dig out my old Muskrat lodge uniform. 

Have a good Halloween!